Recently I came across one of my writings from January 1, 2003. The  hours prior on Dec 31st of 2002 ended with so many question marks for my future; I so desired to see my children find joy once again, I was mourning the loss of my brother and I desired to be a wife – again.  I recall how alone I felt in the minutes before midnight as I drove the short distance from my home to a local venue with live music just to surround myself with happy people and laughter even if I didn’t know anyone.  As the S. American band took a break and played their pre-recorded music over the speakers I experienced a  divine appointment on the dance floor that allowed me to hear a message from God …

January 1, 2003

I brought the New Year in by listening to a live band with a “big band” sound. I was hoping to watch couples dance the “old fashioned” way where a man and woman step in tandem and he occasionally twirls her around and they look like they’ve danced like that for years. No one apparently dances that way anymore and though the music was exceptional I wasn’t witness to couples flowing around the dance floor.
Not long after midnight officially in the year of 2003 I was asked to dance by an older gentleman to a song that was of a slower beat. Though I wasn’t sure of his style of dance and there was only one other couple on the dance floor I could not turn him down. I was pleasantly surprised when he began to lead me in a dance that I was longing to see in this night. If a woman has ever been led on a dance floor by a graceful and patient partner she will know what I felt like. I soon realized that I only had to relax in his embrace and allow him to guide the direction of our steps. Sometimes I found myself stepping backward sometimes forward with our feet within inches from each other though never touching. At one point he changed his hold on my extended hand though I wasn’t sure why. Within a few steps I realized the answer when he stepped back from me and turned himself around. My arm was outstretched and I didn’t know what to do with it so I kept it there for all of a second which seemed like minutes when he turned around to grasp my hand once again realizing that somehow we rarely separated at all. He then somehow gently guided me to spin around all the while holding on to his hands as I ended up standing directly beside him as we stepped now together in the same direction. Next he turned me back and placed me in his arms as we had originally been. This gentle-man repeated the steps until one point I was sure what step was to come next and I decided to step into it. It was only then that our flow was interrupted. Apparently it was not the step he intended and my effort at that moment made a break in the gracefulness that we had together up to that point. He kindly spoke only three words; “let me lead”.  The song continued and I noticed briefly that we were being watched by others – I knew then that I had become the dance that I was longing to witness in that night. No one else flowed and spun around with gracefulness as we did in those moments. I quickly learned the wisdom in allowing my dance partner to assume his role in directing my steps. He showed his confidence and experience as I followed his lead.
Upon returning home I thought of the feel of being guided in every step and then I could hear his kind words with no hint of complaint saying … “let me lead”.  I knew then that this dance I began this New Year with was God’s message to me. My Creator and Savior knows each step I am to take in this coming year and He is asking that I follow His lead. I know that He has already perfectly choreographed each step and each turn. I know that within His embrace He will gently guide me through each step. There may be times when His hand may appear out of reach but I must remember that I am always within His grasp. I also saw the lesson in not stepping where I am assuming He is taking me before He reveals His plan. I felt the awkwardness of the dance in the moment that I chose to step where I assumed I should go. If I should be so bold – or naïve – in this coming year to go in a direction that God has yet to show me I am certain that I will hear His gentle voice …“let Me lead”.
As others witnessed us on the dance floor I also realize that others are seeing the decisions I choose to make each day. Many decisions will be facing me in this coming year with graduation, job opportunities, potential suitors and endless parenting dilemmas. For the sake of my children, myself and those that are watching I need to be careful to allow God to direct and guide my every step. Throughout the song my dance partner stepped with me; I never took a step alone. God has also promised to be with me through every step of my life.
I am rather excited to begin this New Year always ready for an adventure. So now I will step into the arms of my God, feel the safeness of His embrace and sense the gracefulness of His guidance as He leads me through the dance of my life in this year.

I had no idea I would be remarried in a little over 3 months or that life would continue to be adventurous with amazing times of mountain top experiences and  painful valleys.

Today is January 1, 2016 and I have much to be grateful for as God has blessed me in so many ways and yes, He has allowed more pain and loss.  Yet He has remained God through it all and I have learned to trust more than I knew I even could looking back at who I was on this day only 13 years ago.

Should God so bless me with 13 more years on this earth I look forward to seeing how…and where…He will lead me asking only for His strength to follow.